(1998)
EMOTION
strange inconsistent things
seem to guide my mind
irrevocable truths
intertwined with fantasy
and yet this all seems so relevant to how things work
attraction possessive of a need for love
becomes fixations
and I'm caught here
being fixated
when there's nothing much to see
I act so childishly when I'm hurt
that I equate people's eyes with my self worth
and I sink deeper into confusion
that I would have been before
sometimes I want to let go
and fall into the sinking sand
and get choked and burnt
why?
I'm weird
freedom consists of letting go of what corrupts
why do I constantly want to be in chains again?
I've been on both sides of the fence
and I know I can't breathe over there
my desires become so small
next to the reality of my situation
need is a word I'd like to use
but how dare I
when little children die of starvation across the world
I've got everything I could ask for
it's just my flesh that craves more
and more
100 years from now
this will all be gone
and so shall I
but I worry still
because this is today
and I want to be loved
by a guy
of course, because I'm stupid
and I want to cuddle in someone's strong arms
oh, why must he be so far from here?
I see his blue eyes in the sky
when the sun is shining
and I know that the same sun
keeps him warm
and so far away
I hold onto the sky
praying that it won't fall
I don't know if it's an illusion
or it it's love
but I look in hope
waiting and wondering
in the meantime I hug my pillow
even though it can't hug back
and I watch the sky with wonder
this broken arrow that consumes him
has pierced this heart of mine
and my heart breaks with it
because of bombarding emotions
that I never asked for
I must trust that God won't let me fall
from the weakness that I feel
and pray that until a broken arrow is mended
this broken heart won't fail